Volkswagen Vento (Polo Sedan) Review.

August 22, 2010
Ivan Hirst

Ivan Hirst.

In September 1949 a sealed envelope came addressed to a British REME Officer named Ivan Hirst which rewrote the history of industrial production in Germany. Earlier that year Officer Hirst found an ingenious way of using a bombed out factory to address the shortage of light vehicles for the transportation requirements of the British Army stationed in Germany. This dilapidated production facility later went on to become a symbol for the entire Germany. It became immediately clear after the long and immensely perilous war, the German people were ready to move on from a flawed ideology that scarred their country as well as their day to day lives to build a better future for their country and their children. The morale and resilience of the post-war Germany reflected among the people who worked for this facility. They built cars in a building with no roof. The cars they built were better than the ones produced by the workers working in an intact roofed factory in Bristol or Detroit.

Volkswagen Berlin Factory.

Hard Work.

The modest products churned out by a war ravaged country became a sudden rage all around the world. The cute little machines were tough, reliable and cheap. But the people behind those elegant products did not have everything on their plates. Even after six months going into producing cars at a rate of 1000 per month which was impressive even by today’s standards, the car factory had to rely on a barter system where they sold newly finished cars for steel. For a nation with an economy that was predominantly run on American cigarettes, this factory became an inspiration for people who believed in a better future.

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Jaguar is a friend of mine (Jenny was!)

June 26, 2010
Dreams of a British Engineering Tradition

Bentleys were in my dreams.

There is an interesting recurring dream of mine involving British Green and sheer engineering perfection. The basic theme goes on like this: Me gifting my father the keys of a British engineering perfection on his birthday. The initial dreams involved Jaguars, but then somehow the name Bentley crept in. The reason for the Bentley’s replacing the Jags was after me seeing the two-door Bentley draped in British Racing green.The Bentley looked absolutely stunning. From then on Bentleys became a permanent fixture in my dreams and the most recent one was one with a British Racing Green Continental GT.

McPherson Strutting

McPherson Strutting.

All of a sudden something amazing has happened to me in the past few months. I am smitten, I am in love, I am bowled over, I am trembling in boyish excitement, I have spent some time with the all new 2010 Jaguar XJ. The car is pure automotive perfection. The design is timeless. The pictures are only half the truth. In person XJ is a stunning piece of engineering. Take one look and you fall in love. The subtle yet modern design cues make this car so unique and so breathtakingly beautiful. I know right from my boyhood days that I am a Jagaurphile. The cars they made were so much in line with my intuition about cars. Somewhere along the line we grew apart. But after spending time with the XJ, it rekindled the old love and that too with great passion.

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R-rated Brit Cat

November 24, 2009

There is something wrong with Jaguar. I can’t point out exactly what, but I can explain it by an example. See, you meet a girl when you were eighteen. She is all very pretty and perky. But thirty years later, when you meet the same girl, now an old woman, she has become the queen of gone horribly wrong aging. What will be actually going on in your mind at that point … “Ah, all those rumors of her about hard drinking and snorting the white powder were true after all!”

Scary Aging

Scary Aging

The same is with jaguar. Jaguar used to be the epitome of British beauties. The everlasting prettiness of a Jaguar E-type sitting on your front porch for an example. But then she decided to go communist, gained some extra pounds and developed affection for quick money from retired dentists in Florida. Instead of becoming a cougar she became an ugly dying camel.

Dental Wagon -Ugly Duckling of British Motoring.

Dental Wagon - Ugly Duckling of British Motoring.

Now, Ian Callum and his professed love towards Jaguar, is trying to save her family reputation. I cannot discount Callum as just another car designer. He is a visionary, a genius, an artist. But somehow, all his hard work does not feel right. In my dream world if Callum had designed the new S class, it would have been a huge success. In the real world though, he is designing the new luxury barge from Jaguar called the XJ. It is all good looking and futuristic and a break away from the bad aging. Even then, it doesn’t help Jaguar a little bit.

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Audi becomes Confident!

October 27, 2008

Remember the little cousin sister that you used to play scrabble and donkey-kong. By the time you finished your med-school and has gone back home looking for ways to expand your life, career and lot other things – you suddenly meet her, and to your surprise she is all grown up and mature. She is no longer the little cousin sister that you knew. She now has an awesome bosom, a svelte figure that you want to hit on. The only problem is she still wants to play the scrabble and donkey-kong with you. But you know you want to play more than that – she knows that, you know that – but still she is your cousin sister. In the word of his holiness Captain May “Oh Cock” situation for sure!

The face say it all - In Clarksonian utopia Audi = Cement sales man!

The face say it all - In Clarksonian utopia Audi = Cement sales man!

This is the thing going on with Audi. I always believed in the Clarksonian utopia where Audi’s are meant for cement sales men. Just like Apple Macs a few years ago. Those plastic uni-boxes were meant for little school children who were only fascinated by things that only fluoresce. But when Apple decided to grow up she became the symbol of all sass and sex. Look at the new Macbook, its all style and substance baby – all style and substance!

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Honda gets wet dreaming earth

February 28, 2007

(Tells Formula One to go Green since the team has no sponsors):

The best thing about the Apple Inc’s commercials is that they never shout the name Apple a thousand times till the whole audience goes mad trying to forget what they heard on TV. It’s usually a “class” act and you never have a fucking clue that the whole ad is for the Apple Inc till you see the ending of the act. Well the imagination of Apple ad designers can very well be related to the rebel nature of the Apple Inc. It has significantly less market capital than it’s retarded, estranged, big (make it large) step brother Microsoft. Still Apple leads innovation, delivers a lot of “user friendly” and “functional products” and still manages to find time to rebuke its retarded big brother (I know its kind of harsh).

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Mahindra’s (not so straight) middle class dream:

February 22, 2007


Capt Cmonman: So tell me sergeant who killed lady Indigo: what is his name?

Sergeant M’nM: His name is Logan sir…. The brave Mr. Logan…

Capt: So well tell me more about this Logan fella?

Sergeant M’nM: We hear he was trained in Romania, Iran, USSR, Colombia…. But beware Capt… Once you see him you can never tell him he is from the European continent….he is just like one among us… sly little son of a bitch! His father is a war veteran from France and his mother is from Romania- daughter of a powerful communist leader who defied communism- bravest lady of Romania.

Capt: Well but its rather surprising…. Where did all the iDEAs and luminescence from Italy go? They were supposed to protect lady Indigo?

Sergeant M’nM: I suppose they are no longer in love with the lady Indigo! BTW …. I have news for you Capt- I am already married to Mr. Logan!

Capt: Sergeant what kind of ludicrous crap you are uttering? Oh…no you f@#$ a@# h*&% ….. Now I will have to start loving you both…. To be contd.

What happens when French tries to sell red wine to masses? Will it taste like water…. Hmm I don’t know but I know one thing for sure- if they sell cars for the masses it is bland. Their artistry in sheet metals and exotic award winning designs are in the back burner so is their Clio (Clio= Latin: Fame)!

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